A Day Inside My Head (2008)

Did you ever feel so incredibly tired? No…I don’t mean when you haven’t slept or even after a long day. But so incredibly tired that it was as if your soul, or the core of your being was tired…perhaps yielding to the inevitabilities of that thing which is life. My spirit is lethargic…my mind waning.

So here I flutter and blink between reality and virtuality…between sanity and utter derangement. I am so jaded by this balancing act…wish I could just fall…perhaps there is a net underneath this trapeze.

It’s been a long time since I felt this way…

*jaded
*vulnerable
*exposed
*tired
*strained
*shackled

The fact that I feel at all is perhaps something…an improvement or another mark of descent…I am not to know.

What is it about normalcy that is so attractive anyhow? Stasis of the soul.
What is it about sanity that makes the alternative so terrifying? Caged within myself.

I want to ride this spiral…twisting and turning…spinning out of control. I want to free myself from expectation and simply just be. I want to run…jump…fly…scream…anything… To experience…to share…to be free…

I am caged and it is killing me. My only jailer is me. I am caged and it is breaking me down. I want to be free…to live, to love, to fly.

I want to ride whimsy all across the world…
I want to lose control…let go…
I want to act up…act out…and fear no consequence…

I want to sing out of tune and dance to the music in my head…in front of everyone…laughing all the while…insanity…so utterly appealing…liberating…

So here I dance on the line I’ve spent my entire life…terrified of normal…yet too prideful to let go…